It took 20 months, but this month (May 2023) I was finally able to obtain and secure possession of my beloved sister Deb’s cremains from Florida, and to have them transported home to California. It took a lawsuit in Florida to make this happen, and as part of which we  also filed three detailed, clear, compelling, and overwhelming affidavits with the Court. The affidavits were by a Cousin, a life-long friend of Deb, and me and included oral conversations, text conversations, pictures, events, occurrences, actions and conduct, including admissions, that had occurred both before and after September 12, 2021, when Deb’s body was found. The affidavits also included things that Deb had said and communicated about relationships, personalities, and people, and her wishes, intentions and plans.

I have no secrets about any of this or about what has occurred. Perhaps it can be useful to some people as learning opportunities and in memory of Deb.

I was called on the morning of September 12, 2021, and at that time was first told that Deb had been missing since the morning before on September 11 (i.e., through the entire prior day and night, approximately 24 hours). I was then called again a few short minutes later and was told that Deb had been found. I let it be known that I wanted to know, find out, and investigate what had happened that could result in Deb’s death and how it was that she was found by strangers on September 12, 2021, at the Nathaniel P. Reed Hobe Sound National Wildlife Refuge Beach near to her home in Hobe Sound, Florida. Deb’s death is a tragedy that never should have happened – totally avoidable. And I never would have thought that it would actually take the filing of a lawsuit in Florida and 20 months to obtain Deb’s cremains so that her wishes could be honored; however, after Deb’s death I certainly now know differently and I have experienced and seen much more than what I knew before Deb’s death.

We will never know everything that occurred prior to and on September 11 and 12 – and there are things that I was not able to obtain, such as Deb’s phone and what was on it, and the original or even a copy of the supposed note and pad (for handwriting analysis) – but I do know enough and that the tragedy was avoidable. Unfortunately, and perhaps this is one of the learning lessons, the independent third-party investigations by the Sheriff and the Medical Examiner including the Sheriff’s and the Medical Examiner’s reports also left uncertainties and facts unknown and questions unanswered. For example, the wording of the supposed note on the pad was typed in the Sheriff’s report (but no copy was attached); other than reporting that there had been an argument on the morning of September 11 (which obviously must have been significant), there was no follow up in the Sheriff’s report about the argument or about what was said; and there is no indication that the Sherriff or the Medical Examiner looked at Deb’s phone and what was on it including texts, and phone calls and messages, and videos (yes, in addition to texts and phone conversations, Deb made and sent self-videos from time to time, and I was also told that there was at least one additional relevant text by Deb of which I was not able to obtain a copy).

This post is only to say that after 20 months and long-fought battles Deb’s cremains have been obtained and secured, and are home in California in honor of Deb and her wishes. Deb was a beautiful person who looked for the positive and the good in other people, relationships and situations. Unfortunately, the “good” aspects do not always exist.

There are many learning opportunities from this. You can already find this in a number of my writings. Certainly, my views about and approaches to people, personalities, relationships, and situations have changed after Deb’s tragic death and the subsequent events and lawsuit.

As one example, when I now hear that someone has ended her or his own life I have certain automatic thoughts, at least including, and of course varying somewhat based on the situation: why did this happen – what was occurring and what disturbing and negative and perhaps horrible things or events happened to this person, in her or his life and relationships, that at that moment in time she or he decided to end her or his own life – and what could have (and should have) occurred or been done different at that time to avoid or prevent the tragedy at that time and long term? Deb’s supposed note on the pad, i.e., the wording typed in the Sheriff’s report, for example, began with Best Solution and ended with Best Solution.

Then you must ask: why would Deb consider ending her own life to be the Best Solution for her at that time, and what could have/should have occurred or been done different at that time to avoid the tragedy not only at that time and but also long-term? Deb had discussed with several of us getting a divorce attorney. The supposed note does not mention ending her own life, and was not on Deb or with her (the pad was found in Deb’s car), and other provisions in the supposed note are contradicted by Deb’s texts, videos, and conversations. Annie is Deb’s beloved Poodle, who Deb named after our birth mother – Deb had communicated to several of us to whom she would want Annie to go if Deb should pass (i.e., friends, Cousins, or me). The estate planning trust to which Deb had referred (to several of us) was not or could not be located. The three affidavits contain a lot of information, including texts from Deb. Also for clarification, I refer to a “supposed note” because neither the original of the note or pad, or a copy, was provided or produced, and there was no handwriting or other analysis done or allowable – thus, the supposed note and pad could not be inspected, and they are not vetted.

But Deb and her cremains finally are home in California as she had wanted. And that is the way that it should have been long ago. God bless Deb.

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David Tate, Esq. (and inactive CPA)

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David Tate, Esq. (and inactive California CPA) – practicing only as an attorney in California.